Chapter 1: Understanding Change

When it comes to making significant life changes, two critical elements come into play: possessing the WILL to change and knowing the WAY to achieve it. Gaining clarity on the WAY can enhance your WILL, while a strong WILL can lead you to discover the WAY forward.

I have experienced both aspects firsthand. During my marriage to my son's father, I struggled to find the will to reclaim my life and leave. After 13 years together, we had built businesses, navigated the loss of my mother, and shared countless joys and challenges, even relocating with our son to another country. While I had grown in many ways, he struggled to manage his emotions. Although I loved him, I felt exhausted from being his emotional outlet, and I saw no prospect for change. The dilemma was how to end a marriage that had both good and bad elements. Where could I summon the courage to move on?

After much contemplation, on New Year's Day in 2009, I took a solitary walk on our expansive 35-acre estate in Costa Rica. Standing on a hill with a view of the Pacific Ocean, I expressed my feelings aloud: "Let this be the end. Let this be the last New Year's Day I spend in this relationship. May next year bring a fresh start." Those words were powerful, and by April, I had moved out. Reflecting on that moment, I recognize that I shifted my focus from whether to end the relationship to how to do it. This newfound will helped me begin to determine the way forward.

In contrast, I was previously married at a young age. After four years with an emotionally abusive partner who was irresponsible and incapable of holding a job, I realized I needed to escape. At 26, I believed life held more promise than what I was experiencing. The challenge was that I had no idea how to manage on my own, especially since he controlled our finances and major decisions. One evening, while venting to my best friend—who had a strong dislike for my husband—she patiently encouraged me to assess my situation.

With her guidance, we created a budget, detailing my income and potential expenses for rent. To my surprise, I discovered I could indeed support myself. After sharing my plan with another friend, he offered me a temporary place to stay. I also confided in my boss about my marital issues, and he agreed to help with housing costs. This clarity strengthened my resolve, and it wasn't long before I made my escape.

So, where should you begin? Should you focus on the will or the way? My advice is straightforward: start wherever you find yourself. If you're preoccupied with how to leave, concentrate on that. Conversely, if you struggle to summon the will, dedicate energy to strengthening it. If you feel overwhelmed and unable to find a way out, consider the importance of this change and the possibilities that may arise from it. As you work through these aspects, you may find that they are interconnected.

The first video, "The Stages of Change When Leaving an Unhealthy Relationship," delves into the various phases individuals experience while navigating the complexities of ending toxic relationships. It offers insights to help viewers understand their emotional journey and encourages them to embrace change.

Chapter 2: Embracing the Journey

The second video, "The Art of Leaving Toxic Relationships," discusses practical strategies for exiting harmful relationships while maintaining self-respect and dignity. It emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and personal growth throughout the process.