Chapter 1: The Nature of Rules in Autism

When it comes to rules, I often find myself in one of two camps: either I adhere to them strictly and without question, or they seem utterly nonsensical, leading me to ignore them entirely.

For context, this discussion centers around the concept known as pathological demand avoidance.

Take, for instance, the mask mandates during the pandemic. My reasoning was straightforward: wearing a mask would help prevent illness and protect others. In an ideal world, this should be universally accepted. However, I struggle to understand why some allow their political beliefs or feelings of entitlement to interfere with basic health measures. What is political about simply ensuring safety for ourselves and those around us?

Yet, when I encounter rules or expectations that I cannot grasp the purpose of—especially if they are not communicated clearly to me—my willingness to comply diminishes drastically. This could be a workplace guideline that seems pointless, complicates my tasks, or simply isn't worth the trouble.

To illustrate, during my time in retail, we used extendable and retractable belts at the checkout lanes, depending on whether customers were in the regular or express line (14 items or fewer). This design made my job smoother, as having everything on a single level minimized strain on my back.

Then came a moment when a shift leader instructed, "If you're handling express customers, don't extend the belt."

"Why not?" I questioned.

"Because that's what the company wants."

I took a moment, feeling my frustration rise. How could they dictate how I perform my duties without a valid reason? "That explanation isn't sufficient," I responded heatedly, continuing my work. This led to a meeting in the office, where I was told, "It's about ergonomics; the company cares about your well-being." It was evident the shift leader was exasperated with my response. I agreed to try their method after receiving this new insight.

Did it work better for me? Not at all, and I knew others struggled with this change too. "The store manager won’t be pleased. Also, if the belt is extended, it indicates you need a bagger who might be required elsewhere," I was told.

What nonsense! Often, when I needed a bagger, none were available. I had spent countless hours scanning and bagging large orders alone. "A bagger will assist me if I request help," I corrected them. I get that I might miss unspoken rules or cues, but I’m confident that no bagger will interpret a sign indicating '14 items or fewer' and instinctively know where to assist.

In summary, navigating rules as an autistic individual can be unpredictable.

Chapter 2: The Driving Experience and Its Challenges

When I learned to drive, the confusion only deepened. "You don't need to stick strictly to the speed limit," my mother said, exasperated. "What do you mean?" I replied, keeping my speed at 23 in a 25 zone. If everyone else is speeding, why aren’t they being stopped? "In this area, it’s more of a suggestion. Just go with the flow."

Excuse me, what does that even mean—'flow'? It sounds more like chaos than order.

Fast forward to years later, and I found myself frustrated by drivers failing to follow the proper sequence at blinking yellow lights. "Order! You go first, then you, and then I go!" I would think, often voicing my irritation when people disregarded the expected sequence.

I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Until next time!