Chapter 1: The Passage of Time and Reflection

The relentless flow of time sometimes feels like it slows down, allowing moments of reflection to surface. As I emerge from this introspective phase, I find myself pondering, "Have I...?"

Countless possibilities can fill that void.

During this reflective fortnight, unfinished plans lingered, waiting for their moment. Whether it’s my travel itinerary, research endeavors, or a notebook filled with ideas, there’s a pressing question: "Have I completed my trip planning?"

Of course, the answer is no. I let out a sigh, reluctant to revisit the page I had meticulously organized, much like a treasure map leading to unexplored territories. Where do I locate the "You are here" marker?

I scan a list of restaurants and potential sightseeing spots, struggling to recall whether I had investigated their reviews or pinpointed their locations. Just a simple list, carefully arranged under the destination's name.

Without a clear "X marks the spot," I start from the beginning. The destinations are chronologically ordered, but I find myself questioning their sequence. Is this the optimal route, or should I look into alternatives? Are any of these dining options reputable?

A quick online search confirms that this indeed is the most efficient path connecting the cities. I can envision black dotted lines in my mind linking each stop, and if I could draw, I would illustrate this map vividly.

Restaurant reviews indicate that all options fall within the acceptable four-star range or higher, which reassures me, yet also makes me feel a tinge of shame for not trusting my previous self.

I have often doubted her. I've second-guessed her decisions, assuming she was mistaken without justification. Too frequently, I’ve favored the opinions of others over my own intuition.

While she isn’t infallible and has occasionally made errors or overlooked variables, her overall track record is quite impressive, especially when she documented her plans.

Even the younger version of my past self proved to be exceptionally reliable. Recently, I shared with my therapist that I should have trusted my 22-year-old self, who vowed never to confine herself to a cubicle job. She recognized that such a setting would sap her energy and diminish her spirit, which it ultimately did.

My past self had a remarkable understanding of her own nature and made astute predictions about how her personality would interact with her environment.

External influences often intruded, dictating who she should be and how she should act. At times, she remained faithful to her true self, while at others, she succumbed to external pressures.

Like a valuable treasure map, each record of thoughts and plans offers a roadmap to the future. When I embrace and trust what I previously documented—albeit with a bit of editing—I discover an invaluable guide for navigating my next steps. My past self serves as my ally, confidant, and secret to success.

However, the unwritten future is subject to change. Outside voices can suggest alternatives that override my previous intentions, sometimes even eclipsing my spoken desires. The influence of the collective or a particularly assertive individual can challenge my past self’s decisions—and often prevail.

I have let my past self down so frequently that my husband gifted me a planner titled, "Times I Was Right and Nobody Listened."

As I resurface from this recent period of reflection, I also emerge from a lifetime of self-doubt. Midlife presents an opportunity for reassessment. Madeline L'Engle wisely stated, "I am still every age that I have been," and indeed, I am.

I embody the 22-year-old who looked into an uncertain future and chose to make decisions based on the one certainty she possessed—herself. I am the teenager who sensed something amiss about a particular friend group and wisely distanced myself. I am the young adult who loved a man despite others' disapproval. I am the early-career professional who recognized her strengths and chose to embrace them. I am the middle-aged woman surprising others by asserting my need for healing and authenticity.

I recognize these truths; I have always known them. I was once this person, and I still am. We must remain true to ourselves and the overarching journey we’ve embarked upon. What may appear as a deviation aligns with my past self's forecasts, hopes, and aspirations.

I am attuned to her voice now. Some suggest that we perceive God's voice within our own, that a quiet, inner voice serves as a conduit to connect with the divine. If that holds true, I hear God's voice resonating through my own, and I am listening.

In the video "TRUST YOUR LIFE TIMING | Let Go of Expectations & Time Lost," the speaker emphasizes the importance of trusting oneself and finding inspiration while letting go of external pressures. This aligns with the journey of self-trust explored here.

Chapter 2: Rebuilding Trust in Yourself

The second video, "How to Trust Yourself | Trust in Relationships | Trauma and Trusting Again," delves into the complexities of self-trust and the impact of past traumas on relationships. It complements the exploration of rebuilding trust in oneself.

As I continue this journey, it becomes evident that building self-trust is crucial for personal growth and making empowered decisions in life.