The Overlooked Virtue of Brutal Self-Honesty
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Chapter 1: The Value of Honesty
How often do you find yourself bending the truth? Perhaps just a couple of harmless fibs or maybe one significant untruth. Kudos to you! This suggests you're a generally honest individual, which is commendable, as honesty is a cornerstone of our societal values.
Honesty is embedded in various ethical frameworks, from the Bushido code to the virtues of knighthood and biblical teachings. It is celebrated across cultures and disciplines, with notable figures echoing its significance. For instance, William Shakespeare stated, “No legacy is as rich as honesty.” Similarly, biblical texts warn that “lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight” (Proverbs 12:22). Benjamin Franklin famously asserted, “Honesty is the best policy.”
But why do we hold honesty in such high regard? It’s because trust—the bedrock of any functioning society—can only flourish when honesty prevails. This trust is what we instill in our children, emphasizing the importance of being truthful with one another.
The Overlooked Aspect of Honesty
However, a peculiar aspect of our understanding of honesty stands out. We often feel guilty about deceiving others, yet we readily deceive ourselves without a second thought. Consider these common self-deceptions: “I’ll tackle that assignment tomorrow,” fully aware of your impending hangover; “It's not my fault; he provoked me,” while recognizing your own quick temper; or “This is my last cheat meal,” knowing it’s the third time this week you’ve said that.
Admitting to these self-lies carries little shame. We all resort to such falsehoods occasionally as a coping mechanism, providing a comfort that helps us manage emotional stress or inspires motivation. For example, “My ex didn’t appreciate me—I’m better off alone,” or “Today could be the last day I’m sick—I might feel better tomorrow.”
Yet, these self-deceptions can obstruct genuine personal development. There’s a precarious boundary between comforting yourself with a small lie and allowing that lie to hinder honest self-assessment. Here are a couple of detrimental self-deceptions: blaming others instead of reflecting on your own role in conflicts or promising to cut back on drinking next year while ignoring the problem right now.
While these lies might not jeopardize societal stability, they can certainly jeopardize your happiness and success. If honest dialogue with others is vital for a functioning society, then honest dialogue with ourselves is crucial for personal growth. Recognizing your weaknesses is the first step towards overcoming them.
To lie to yourself isn’t inherently shameful; the real issue lies in denying those lies. As Proverbs 24:26 notes, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.”
Today, grant yourself that metaphorical kiss. Your future self will appreciate it.
Chapter 2: The Path to Self-Improvement
The first video, titled "Integrity - The Lost Virtue | Part 2 | Northplace Church," delves into the essential nature of integrity and how it shapes our lives and relationships.
The second video, "Honesty is a Virtue," emphasizes the importance of honesty not just as a moral guideline but as a vital component of a fulfilling life.