Chapter 1: The Nature of Striving

The urge to surpass our own limitations can often be beneficial, but it can also become overwhelming.

> A wise observation can often shed light on our own experiences.

I often admire my wife’s incredible work ethic. I've witnessed her dedicate up to 16 hours a day for weeks, juggling responsibilities from running two successful businesses to parenting our three children. She’s always pushing herself to achieve more.

In contrast, I can be somewhat unmotivated, yet I still find myself caught in a cycle of striving, investing time and energy into both meaningful and trivial pursuits. We are, for better or worse, perpetually engaged.

As empty nesters, we find ourselves reflecting on whether all that effort was truly beneficial—not just for us, but for our children and society as a whole. And here I am again, striving to be productive by writing this piece.

One could argue that striving is an intrinsic human trait. While animals act instinctively, humans seek purpose. Research suggests that having a strong sense of purpose is vital for our physical and mental health. In a world filled with distractions, seeking what truly matters is essential, as idleness is often viewed as detrimental. However, the balance is crucial.

It's healthy to feel driven—if you know when to take a break.

Like many Americans, my wife and I struggle to find that balance. We often feel restless without meaningful engagement. Despite our occasional procrastination, we seem to always be doing something.

So, I was caught off guard recently when, just as I was contemplating the value of doing nothing, my wife declared, “I’m not going to do a damn thing today.” I chuckled, doubting her resolve.

To emphasize her point, she came into my office and plopped down in my seldom-used recliner. As I shared what I was writing about the growing trend of Americans searching for "I am tired," she listened intently:

“Whenever you can, just put everything down—your phone, your responsibilities—and spend a few moments doing nothing. We all need more of that.”

I genuinely believe in this concept. While I may struggle to relax, I know it’s essential.

At that moment, she expressed her frustration with the American tendency to be perpetually busy, striving to do more and be better every day. “Every single day, we’re trying to surpass ourselves. We constantly set new goals, but why? We reach the moon, only to aim for farther horizons.”

She described her feelings of mediocrity, which I disagree with, but I understood her sentiment. “I’m not trying to cure cancer; I just want to be more thoughtful about life.”

In her eyes, even tending to the garden tools felt like a necessary contribution. Yet, research suggests many of us need to embrace the idea of simply doing nothing more often.

“Many of us have developed a ‘busy habit,’” explains Dr. Susan Weinschenk, a behavioral psychologist. “We’re addicted to activity, feeling the need to prove our worth through productivity, even in our leisure time.”

These ingrained beliefs can be damaging, leading to poorer mental health. “When you internalize the notion that leisure is a waste, you’re likely to feel less happy,” notes Dr. Rebecca Reczek from Ohio State University.

So, why can’t we accept a day where we aren’t as productive or creative as the day before? Why is there an unending need to climb higher, accumulate more, and constantly strive for better?

Life’s demands—paying bills, caring for family—are real, but there’s more at play. Our collective restlessness often stems from a hope that life will improve if we just put in enough effort.

Yet, what does “better” even mean? Most of us can’t articulate it clearly.

Research indicates that time, rather than money, contributes to happiness, but when we find ourselves with free time, we often fill it with more tasks instead of embracing stillness.

Meditation coach Jeff Warren from the Ten Percent Happier app offers a session titled “Do Nothing.” Listening to it made me realize how hard it can be to simply relax.

“The goal is to let go of any need to control the moment,” Warren explains. “Everything is fine as it is, even if you’re overwhelmed with thoughts. Ironically, many find this concept to be stressful.”

Indeed, the pressure to do nothing can create anxiety.

“So many of us rush to tick off items from our existential to-do lists,” Warren states. “This practice encourages us to slow down and genuinely unwind.”

If mindfulness isn’t your thing, consider observing a dog.

After my wife went outside to “do nothing,” I watched our dog lounging by the gate, simply gazing at the world. She wasn’t striving for anything; she was just enjoying the moment.

Chapter 2: Embracing Downtime

The importance of striving for excellence in every aspect of life is a compelling topic worth exploring further.

Reflecting on challenges and opportunities in our careers can lead to a more balanced approach to our pursuits.