Medication Management: Understanding the Impact of Medication on Life
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Chapter 1: Routine Conversations and Reflections
Every time I speak with my father—whether it’s three times a week or twice a day—he invariably asks, “What’s new?” My response is always the same: “Nothing’s new.” He often believes my life is utterly uneventful.
After our calls, I reflect on my day. Oh, right, I interviewed candidates to take over my retiring boss’s role. I also had a new roof installed on my house. Plus, I’ve been using a nifty headlamp for evening runs a couple of nights a week. Not to mention, Sophie excelled in her Forestry exam, and Eli received an email from his boss praising his work. All these events are significant, so why do I feel the need to downplay them?
I realize that I don’t engage in conversations much anymore. Like a muscle that weakens from disuse, my social skills have deteriorated. Once, I was quite the social butterfly—out at night, enjoying drinks with friends and strangers alike, always lively and entertaining. Even after I reduced my alcohol intake to a couple of glasses of wine, I still managed well in small gatherings of four to six people.
However, pinpointing when my social life began to decline is challenging. I suspect it began around early 2016, coinciding with my decision to stop drinking alcohol and the initiation of risperidone to manage my Tourette Syndrome.
The transition away from alcohol was straightforward; my social life dwindled as I became uncomfortable in unstructured environments without a drink, leading to a sharp decline in our social activities with friends. In an instant, we shifted from being moderately social to cozy bookworms.
Section 1.1: The Role of Medication
A few months post-abstinence, my doctor prescribed risperidone, a potent antipsychotic primarily intended for schizophrenia but found to alleviate Tourette symptoms. It comes with numerous side effects, one of which is tardive dyskinesia—a movement disorder that amplifies involuntary tics, similar to those caused by Tourette. This raises the question: where does Tourette end and the side effects of risperidone begin? My wife Susan noticed a shift in my demeanor shortly after I started the medication.
Recently, after one of those interviews I mentioned, I was sharing my thoughts on a Zoom call when I suddenly lost my ability to articulate my ideas. I found myself staring blankly into the adjacent office, struggling to form coherent thoughts. The moment felt like an eternity, and my embarrassment only exacerbated the situation, prompting me to declare, “I’ve got nothing else to say,” and stop altogether.
This isn’t an isolated occurrence; it serves as an extreme example of the mental blocks I sometimes experience during conversations. Susan speculated that I might be experiencing some seizure activity, but I doubt that’s the case. I often find myself stuck while trying to verbalize my thoughts, frequently sitting in silence as discussions swirl around me—especially uncomfortable when sharing space with just one other person.
In 1995, I suffered a traumatic brain injury from a bicycle accident, which I’ve often blamed for my cognitive issues—such as hearing loss, double vision, and my growing difficulty with conversation. I once inquired with a neurologist about the existence of adult-onset autism, and when I read about the communication challenges faced by those on the spectrum, I can’t help but see reflections of my own experiences.
Section 1.2: Evaluating the Medication's Impact
Now, I’m left pondering whether my difficulties may be linked to my medications. I take multiple antidepressants alongside risperidone, making it hard to determine the exact cause of my issues. Yet, I keep returning to Susan's observation that I seemed different once I began this medication. I have a psychiatrist appointment for medication management in January, and I’m seriously contemplating reducing my dosage of risperidone.
Despite its complexity, risperidone has significantly improved my quality of life by alleviating my OCD symptoms. I’m curious about the potential changes I might experience if I discontinue this medication that has influenced my behavior over the past eight years.
Chapter 2: Seeking Clarity and Improvement
About Jeff Cann
Jeff Cann resides in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, where he works and writes about mental health, running, and culture. His essays and stories have been featured in various publications. He is the author of two books, Fragments: A Memoir and Bad Ass — My Quest to Become a Back Woods Trail Runner (and Other Obsessive Goals), both available on Amazon. Married with two children, Jeff shares more of his writing at www.jefftcann.com.