In our lives, the desire for acceptance and affirmation from those around us is a powerful force.

Did this statement evoke discomfort or even anger for you? I understand that feeling well. Throughout much of my youth, I rebelled against the notion that I should be concerned about others' opinions.

My rebellion stemmed from a deep-seated awareness of my peers' rejection.

As an undiagnosed autistic girl, I was unaware of my asexuality and puzzled by the way people treated me differently. I couldn't comprehend what set me apart.

Navigating the usual social norms was challenging; I struggled to grasp concepts like having a crush, and I felt bewildered when friends pressed me to share mine, labeling me a prude in the process.

Initially, I attempted to mask my differences by mimicking my friends' behaviors, adopting their mannerisms and styles. I even feigned a celebrity crush to contribute to conversations.

When these efforts failed to render me 'normal', leaving me feeling isolated and miserable, I resigned myself to being different and assumed there was something inherently wrong with me. I vowed to stop caring about others' perceptions.

I ceased searching for community, believing it pointless to conform.

Imagine if I had been embraced for who I truly was instead.

Many of us have faced similar struggles; it's a common aspect of adolescence. However, for those belonging to marginalized communities, the experience is often amplified.

The pressure to conform, to present a 'normal' facade to the world, can be stifling.

If you're queer, societal expectations dictate you should hide your identity. Public displays of affection with your partner are frowned upon; vibrant clothing is discouraged. The implicit message is that you wouldn't face such negative treatment if you weren't so openly expressing your identity.

For those not belonging to the dominant racial group, there are similar pressures. You’re advised to be more 'professional', to avoid slang, and to conform to a prescribed appearance. If you don't, you're told you should attempt to fit in better.

Individuals with disabilities face their own set of challenges. Society often places the burden on them not to disrupt others' comfort. They are encouraged to suppress their needs in order to avoid being perceived as burdensome.

These examples illustrate a broader societal tendency to silence and render invisible those who diverge from the norm. This phenomenon is what we refer to as Respectability Politics, a concept that desperately needs to fade away.

Respectability politics operates under the misguided belief that there exists a 'default' mode of behavior and presentation, which typically aligns with the values of the dominant group or culture.

In North America, this default identity is often that of the heterosexual, neurotypical, able-bodied, white Christian.

Step too far outside the boundaries set by this culture, and you may be labeled as abnormal. Society expects you to conform to this dominant culture to prove your worthiness of respect, as if being one of 'the good ones' is a prerequisite for dignity.

If you adhere to the prescribed norms, you may be rewarded with kindness. Conversely, if you fail to conform, you risk facing the consequences of being deemed 'difficult'.

Visible differences can lead to social exclusion, leaving you feeling isolated.

When marked as 'abnormal', one often faces criticism. While acceptance may be found among fellow outcasts, alienation and ignorance are also prevalent.

This division between 'normal' and 'abnormal' is a long-standing human pattern, perpetuated since ancient times.

Colonial powers have historically sought to erase the cultural expressions of the groups they dominated, often employing Assimilation Policies to achieve this.

Take, for instance, the forced alteration of hair among colonized peoples. Indigenous communities in the Americas were compelled to adopt short hairstyles, while enslaved Black individuals were led to believe that their natural hair was unkempt and undesirable.

Colonizers imposed beauty standards designed to compel local populations to conform to their notions of 'normal', branding the cultural norms and traditional attire of oppressed groups as inferior.

This pattern illustrates how adherence to dominant cultural norms is often equated with sophistication and respectability. Those who stand outside the accepted boundaries are historically punished.

However, this need not be the case.

Respectability politics lead us nowhere productive.

There will always be voices urging marginalized individuals to stay silent, to blend in, and to avoid challenging the status quo to prevent backlash.

The truth is, we’ve tried that approach, and it has never worked.

The outcome of remaining quiet and compliant is merely further silencing. We lose our voices and are excluded from conversations. By conforming to the dominant culture's standards, we inadvertently endorse its authority over us.

We suggest that their views are valid, while our feelings, identities, and expressions are inferior. Enough of that.

I stopped being concerned about others' opinions as a protective strategy, embracing my authentic self without apology. I learned to navigate the world's challenges and, in time, discovered my identity as an autistic person and eventually embraced my asexuality.

Through this journey, I began to connect with others.

I found acceptance within a community of individuals who mirrored my experiences.

Suddenly, I no longer felt the need to disguise my differences; they became part of my unique identity. I could stop forcing a smile and pretending to feel emotions I did not genuinely possess.

I learned to embrace myself, and that shift made a monumental difference.

The solution to eradicating bigotry and hatred lies not in assimilation but in normalizing differences until they cease to stand out.

Who gets to dictate what 'normal' is? Why must there even be a concept of 'normal'?

Human beings are wonderfully complex and diverse. Each of us is a unique individual, and no two people are identical. The expectation that we should all think, express, and present ourselves in the same way is simply absurd!

Society's demand for strict conformity to a singular ideal is detrimental.

Diversity is an asset. The differences and subtleties we possess enrich our lives, allowing us to experience perspectives we may never encounter otherwise. Embracing our differences enables authenticity and honesty about our identities.

Why would anyone want to suppress that?

What if you never had to worry about others' opinions? Who would you become?

There is no standard setting for human beings, so let's cease pretending there is.

Be unique. Be unconventional. Embrace your quirks; it’s perfectly acceptable! Be unapologetically you and encourage others to accept it.

Rather than molding ourselves to fit someone else's definitions, let's carve our own paths. It's okay to take up space.

We need not be invisible, unheard, or unseen. Be bold. Be an inconvenience. Be striking and unashamed. Never, ever feel ashamed of who you are.

There is no default setting for humanity. It’s time to stop pretending otherwise.

Solidarity prevails.

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