Embracing Gratitude: Transforming Your Mindset for Better Relationships
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Chapter 1: The Journey Begins
I started working with a client I’ll refer to as Bethany. She reached out to me, eager for a transformation. Acknowledging her discontent with her life and relationships, she recognized the need for new habits. However, despite a few sessions together, it was clear she wasn’t yet prepared to implement the changes she initially sought. How did I determine this?
Bethany lacked gratitude in her life. She had an explanation for every issue she faced. It was always someone else's fault—“he didn’t treat her right” or “she always started the arguments.” When I encouraged her to acknowledge her role in her relationships, she resisted accepting any personal accountability. (Each of us shares some responsibility for the dynamics in our relationships, even if it’s simply about maintaining our boundaries.)
After a few sessions, she stopped communicating with me. I learned through a mutual friend that she hadn't sought out another coach or therapist, and her situation hadn’t improved. Hopefully, she will eventually feel ready to embrace change. Ultimately, the only person we can truly change is ourselves, not those around us.
All Starts with Gratitude and Mindset Shifts
At first, the idea of altering oneself can feel overwhelming. It’s easy to believe that external factors are the root of our issues. If only our parents would stop trying to control our choices, or if our boss would cease their relentless pressure. Life would certainly improve if our partner could refrain from criticizing our parenting or household management. If he simply earned more, we wouldn’t have to struggle financially.
When I embarked on my journey to shift my mindset, I began using affirmations, as I found pre-written ones that were straightforward. I then turned my focus to practicing gratitude. Initially, my thoughts were limited to general statements like, “I’m thankful for my kids,” “I appreciate my husband,” or “I’m grateful for my home.” However, I soon began to seek out small, everyday moments to appreciate—such as a butterfly dancing around my garden or a child in the supermarket sharing a charming remark with their mother.
Gradually, I began to recognize larger blessings, like receiving an unexpected card from a friend, finding a check in the mail, or being offered a chance to participate in a new coaching endeavor. Every time a negative situation arose, I made it a point to identify something positive to appreciate. For instance, when our home was flooded during Hurricane Harvey, it was devastating, yet the kindness of those who came to assist us felt like a blessing.
A Powerful Lesson in Gratitude
I had securely packed all important documents and my mother's jewelry in a tote bag, placing it inside a large black garbage bag to protect it from the water. When we evacuated on a boat, I had my children, pets, and everyone's black garbage bag with me. We disembarked on a street where the flooding had receded, and local church volunteers were there to help. They offered their hands to assist us off the boat and ensured we received our bags before rushing to aid the next group.
Once we reached a friend's house, I realized my bag containing essential items was missing. However, filled with gratitude for being alive and safe in a dry home surrounded by friends, I found I was no longer concerned about material possessions. The well-being of my family was all that mattered.
Later that evening, my husband received a call from an unknown number. It was a woman from the church who had found my bag, along with my neighbor's bag full of cash and medications. She took the time to locate us and returned our belongings that night, after a long day of helping others. In that moment, I recognized the kindness that surrounds us if we only take the time to notice. I felt immense gratitude, especially for having my mother's jewelry returned.
In the days that followed, numerous friends came to help us remove soaked carpets and furniture. Neighbors provided cleaning supplies and contractor recommendations. Since that experience, I've learned to find gratitude in the smallest gestures—a smile from my children or an enthusiastic greeting from my dog.
Do You Always Need to Feel Grateful?
Absolutely not! I wasn’t thankful when my son was involved in a car accident. However, I am grateful that he emerged unscathed. I appreciate the nurses and doctors who treated him and ensured he had no severe injuries. I’m also thankful for the woman who stopped to assist him and called for help.
Similarly, I didn’t feel gratitude when our fence blew down in the wind, costing us over $2,000 to repair. Yet, I do appreciate the beautiful new fence we now have and the neighbor who took the initiative to hire a contractor.
You see the pattern! There’s always something to be thankful for, and the more we practice gratitude, the more reasons we find to feel grateful.
Chapter 2: The Role of Music in Gratitude
Music often plays a vital role in shaping our emotions and mindset.
The first video, "NEFFEX - Grateful [Lyrics]" encapsulates the essence of appreciating life and the power of gratitude.
The second video, "Gratitude - Brandon Lake (Lyrics)" further emphasizes the significance of being thankful and how it can transform our perspective on life.