Chapter 1: Understanding Happiness

Hello there, Renuka here! How have you been lately?

I realize you might not be interested in mundane small talk; instead, you’re likely curious about the title and looking for some insightful thoughts, right? Let’s dive right in.

You might be asking yourself how one can feel content without the traditional sense of happiness. Is it just a catchy title designed to grab your attention? I promise not to waste your time or leave you feeling falsely motivated.

I want to explore why the pursuit of happiness can ironically lead to unhappiness. In our social media-driven world, we often encounter titles like "How to Be Happy Every Day with This One Habit" or "Five Books to Discover Happiness." The issue with these resources is that they imply happiness is a destination you can reach through specific actions. But happiness is merely a fleeting emotion.

To put it simply:

"Happiness ebbs and flows like any other feeling. The obsession with achieving it often blinds us to the richness of the present moment."

You don’t search for videos on "how to be excited or sad," do you? That’s because you understand that excitement isn't a constant state; it comes and goes. For instance, when I released my book, I felt elated. I thought that joy would last forever. Yet, the very next day, I found myself anxious about whether anyone would appreciate my work or, worse, buy it.

No feeling lasts indefinitely, regardless of its source. When I was feeling down about the potential reception of my book, I didn’t pray for the worry to vanish; I accepted it as part of life. A few hours later, I found joy in reading another book.

This illustrates the reality of human existence: life is a blend of highs and lows, joy and sorrow, anticipation and dread. Everyone experiences both sides (yes, even motivational speakers and self-help authors who profit from selling you the illusion of constant happiness).

Consider this for a moment: What if you didn’t strive for happiness all the time? What if you were okay with feeling sad on occasion? The plethora of podcasts, books, and videos promoting happiness wouldn’t resonate as strongly, and the creators behind them wouldn't profit. They’ve ingrained the idea of happiness into our minds like a permanent mark.

Now, every time you feel down, you may assume something is wrong with you, berating yourself for not being happy despite living a comfortable life. It’s time to cut yourself some slack!

The desperation to seek happiness keeps you confined, limiting your ability to experience the full spectrum of emotions. It prevents you from appreciating life beyond the narrow lens of happiness.

You must grasp that happiness is not a goal. It is not the ultimate purpose of existence. Life encompasses far more than happiness; it is a tapestry woven from various experiences that add color to our lives.

If happiness were the ultimate goal, Viktor Frankl wouldn’t have gained fame for his book, "Man’s Search for Meaning." Frankl endured unimaginable suffering in a Nazi camp, where he faced starvation, lost his wife, and experienced countless hardships. That doesn’t exactly paint a picture of a "happily ever after," does it?

Yet, Frankl prevailed because he focused on finding peace within himself, rather than chasing after happiness. And that's the essence of what I wish for you.

Happiness is a fleeting commodity; you can never possess it completely. No matter how hard you try, you cannot be happy all the time.

Life will throw challenges your way; friends may betray you, dreams may falter, and mornings may start without a comforting cup of coffee. These events will occur at least once, if not more. During such times, happiness will elude you, no matter your efforts. Therefore, pursuing happiness as a goal is ultimately futile.

How to Cultivate Inner Peace

Truthfully, peace isn’t something you discover; it’s a feeling that resides deep within your heart and mind. When your heart, mind, and body align, you experience peace.

When there’s discord among these elements, stress and worry emerge. So, what can you do?

As I mentioned, if I don't write this blog, my mind won't let me rest, so I push through, even when my body craves relaxation.

This is where many people go astray. They often neglect to consider their feelings and reactions. Instead of seeking to understand why they feel anxious, they search YouTube for “how to eliminate stress” or “how to be happy.”

Seriously?

You need to identify the source of your stress and find a path back to inner peace. That’s all there is to it.

Be Honest with Yourself

One of the most detrimental aspects of our generation is the tendency to pretend, not just to others but also to ourselves. The pursuit of perfection—seeing the world through rose-colored glasses—is detrimental to our well-being.

For instance, many might envy my situation, and I am grateful for it. However, there are days when I wish to disappear from everyone’s life. Despite having over 99k followers on Instagram, there are moments when I contemplate deleting my account. Does that make me a bad person?

Whatever others may think, I understand that life can feel overwhelming, and I sometimes retreat into my comfort zone. On those days, I don’t force myself to be the cheerful, happy person. I feel what I feel and express it. I refuse to bottle up my emotions.

I’m certain you’ve had similar experiences. Have you allowed yourself to confront your true feelings? If not, those unexpressed emotions will build up, leaving you confused about your sadness when everything appears fine.

So, here’s my advice: be honest with yourself. If you feel down or frustrated, acknowledge it. You can’t be a beacon of happiness all the time. Allow yourself the space to express your true emotions without judgment.