Chapter 1: Understanding the Battle

Despite having consulted with various psychiatrists and psychologists throughout my life, I often view therapists more as 'textperts' than true experts. My preference leans towards psychologists, as psychiatrists tended to listen passively, nodding occasionally, only to prescribe medication at the end of our sessions. It felt more like they were prioritizing their own benefit over mine.

This paradox seems counterproductive. How can one truly heal by expressing their pain, only to have it suppressed again with medication? It's akin to consuming your own vomit.

Sitting in those therapy sessions, sharing my private torment with someone who was paid to listen, felt surreal. It reminded me of those self-checkout machines—why should I do the scanning while the staff simply observes? What angered me most, however, was the realization that I was in therapy because of the actions of others, while those individuals went about their lives unburdened.

I was not born with depression; no one is. My father’s abuse from an early age led me to ponder why no one thought to medicate him or label him as mentally unwell. It became clear: I needed to change this twisted reality.

Chapter 2: Embracing My Inner Gamer

As a child, I was an avid gamer, and my favorite was the original Super Mario Bros. on Nintendo. Each time I discovered a mushroom, I could smash through obstacles and defeat enemies without losing a life—I felt invincible.

When I engaged with video games, I became that character. Each level I conquered brought a sense of achievement, and defeating the villains made me feel powerful. This perspective allowed me not to take life too seriously; after all, life is akin to a grand video game. Just as we need to pass levels in games, we must achieve milestones in reality to avoid falling into depression.

However, I needed to find a way to unlock those milestones independently. I sought healing anywhere and anytime, without relying on antidepressants or recounting my traumas to a stranger who would only make me revisit them.

Chapter 3: Discovering My Superpower

I can't pinpoint the exact moment it happened—perhaps it was after a disagreement with a psychiatrist—but I realized my superpower emerged the day I decided to be my own psychologist. I envisioned myself as a character who could triumph over trauma and abuse.

Through extensive reading of case studies and success stories, I synthesized a powerful combination of self-education, personal suffering, introspection, and therapy. This blend became my unstoppable force.

Life experiences can empower us, but when combined with knowledge, they can eliminate negative patterns and elevate us to new heights.

Chapter 4: The Power of Stubbornness

As a survivor of abuse, gaining control over my emotions and future was a challenge. I often felt like a piece of litter swept away by the whims of fate. Yet, my inherent stubbornness became a significant ally in my healing journey.

Even during therapy, I refused to depend on others for information. My strong will pushed me to seek answers, making the knowledge I discovered feel genuine and trustworthy. My struggle to accept that my childhood abuse was not a reflection of my worth, but rather a manifestation of someone else's self-hatred, was crucial in my path to healing.

Chapter 5: Embracing Pain

Call it what you will, but I've learned to embrace pain. It has been instrumental in my transformation into a resilient individual. I reached a point where I felt utterly helpless and alone, yet within that despair, I found a profound sense of peace—a beautiful awakening.

It became clear that I was the sole architect of my recovery. Surviving years of intense depression was liberating; I felt as if I could navigate any challenge with ease.

We must face varying degrees of pain in life to cultivate a healthy mindset capable of overcoming adversity and life's inevitable losses. I accepted the unnatural circumstances of abandonment, abuse, and trauma, ultimately allowing myself to experience pain at a level that empowered me to become my own healer.

"Accept the pain and feel the loneliness today so you don't have to suffer tomorrow."

Chapter 6: The Quiet Path to Self-Discovery

With my newfound identity as a video game character with a stubborn streak, I still faced the question: how would I escape depression?

Upon recognizing the need for change, I began frantically searching for lost time, pulling myself out of the depths of despair. I realized my healing was stifled by my tendency to overshare about my traumatic past with anyone willing to listen—friends, strangers, and professionals alike. Despite discussing my experiences extensively, the pain lingered.

The only way to truly let go was to stop giving it life. I needed to cease my verbal expressions to discover who I was beyond being a victim.

Chapter 7: Finding Healthy Outlets

Once I stopped talking, I turned to writing and quickly found it captivating. Medium became my platform, allowing me to reach those who needed to hear my story. I believe that whoever is meant to read my experiences will do so, even if they aren't actively searching.

The universe often provides us with what we need rather than what we desire. I don't want to leave this world without contributing something meaningful to others based on the knowledge I gained through my struggles.

The key is not merely to stop communicating; it's essential to replace that void with something constructive. Consider engaging in dance, blogging, photography, or painting. Choose a creative outlet and immerse yourself in it.

Creativity is vital for healing from trauma, yet it's rarely emphasized in traditional therapy. My journey of healing was not solely a product of therapeutic dialogue; it blossomed from an open and unconventional mindset. Healing lacks strict rules, so I created my own path.

Description: Dive deeper into the emotional landscape of depression and resilience through "Lyriq Luchiano - Deep Depression (Official Music Video)." This video encapsulates the struggles and triumphs in overcoming mental health challenges.

Description: Explore the transformative ideas in "Accepting Your Unhappiness to Be Happy | Eckhart Tolle." This insightful discussion offers a new perspective on embracing pain for healing and growth.