Erica Marie - Medium

Discover Erica Marie's writings on Medium, where she expresses her journey against fear, expectations, and mediocrity.

With that said, enjoy the interview below:

Thank you for sharing your story with me. Before becoming a father, did you envision a future with children?

No, I never planned to marry or have kids. In my younger years, I was quite reckless, which I now look back on with a sense of shame. My primary goal was to have as many experiences as possible; a three-month relationship felt like a lifetime commitment. How things have changed, thankfully for the better.

Fatherhood began unexpectedly when I was 21. You describe in your story, "His Mother Did Not Care About Him," how you bonded with your son after his mother left him with you at just one month old for eight weeks. How did that transformative experience shape your perspective on fatherhood?

I can now acknowledge that my son was born from a brief encounter, and I had no relationship with his mother. I was terrified when I had to tell my parents about it. I remember asking them to sit down because I thought they would be disappointed. My father's reaction was frustrating; he simply said it was my fault and walked away. My mother, on the other hand, cried and expressed relief, thinking I had worse news. This moment will always stick with me. Once I explained the situation, she insisted that I support both the mother and the baby, which I have always done. I first saw my son when he was four days old, and I’ve been involved in his life ever since—emotionally and financially. I was unprepared for fatherhood, but I learned, and everything changed the moment I held him. For the first time, I truly loved someone.

Do you have a cherished memory from those initial eight weeks with your son?

I distinctly remember lying next to him in his crib, holding his hand, reassuring him that his father would always be there for him, hoping that one day he would forgive me. This little boy taught me how to care; in many ways, he redirected my life away from a destructive path.

Your son was born "out of wedlock." How did that impact your parenting style and what lessons have you learned from that experience?

Fortunately, we've always had a strong bond. Initially, he viewed me as the “fun parent,” allowing him to get away with almost anything. I was unaware of the negative consequences of that approach, as I was living independently with little support.

I admire your bravery in discussing sensitive topics like your son's mental health in your piece, "A Knife at His Chest." How has your relationship evolved since that difficult night?

My son chose to live with me as soon as he was legally able, and he even changed his last name to mine (Ralph). Our bond is incredibly strong; he confided in me that I am the person he respects most and aspires to emulate. He’s more intelligent than I am, understanding that the challenges he faced weren’t his burden to bear alone. I arranged for him to receive an assessment and counseling, which thankfully helped him greatly. I hope that my openness with him fosters complete trust in our relationship.

Let's discuss your two lovely daughters. You mentioned being apprehensive about raising girls. Why do you think many men share this fear, and how has your experience altered your perspective?

I was genuinely afraid of being a father to daughters, largely influenced by the negative narratives we often hear about men and girls. I struggled with basic tasks like changing diapers and felt overwhelmed by societal expectations. However, I am fiercely protective of my daughters and have a supportive wife who helped me navigate my fears. Now, I feel completely at ease in my role as a father.

As parents, we often grapple with guilt. In “Finding It Hard To Bond With My Daughter,” you candidly express the guilt surrounding the birth of your second child. Do you still experience that guilt, and how do you manage it?

This topic continues to weigh heavily on my heart. If we were on camera, you'd see me struggle to hold back tears as I write about it. I worry that one day my daughter may read my words and feel hurt. Yet, I wrote it to help myself and others facing similar feelings. I have received numerous messages from men who relate to my experience. Thankfully, I have a strong bond with my youngest daughter now; she runs to me every night and asks me to tuck her in. I do still carry some emotional scars from that time.

Each child is unique. What new insights has your third child provided about fatherhood?

My wife and I joke that our eldest will be living a glamorous life while our youngest will be more down-to-earth. They are so different, yet all I want is for them to be happy and safe.

Finally, your hashtag #strongertogether has resonated deeply within the community. What does strength signify to you?

This is a multifaceted question. My father equated strength with stoicism—never showing weakness. However, I view strength as the ability to overcome personal challenges and surround yourself with supportive individuals. True strength lies in honesty, empathy, and the willingness to help others succeed.